she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
