So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
