Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
