i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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