I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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