I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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