Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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