So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
