How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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