is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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