I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize