there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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