she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
whose parrot is this?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
