the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
