If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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