I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
