There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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