Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
