Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
