he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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