HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
