and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
