Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
