Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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