i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
