everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
