told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
