just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
