Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
