This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
