I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
