before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
