I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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