Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
