I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
