Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
