When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
