Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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