You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
