I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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