When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
