I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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