I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
