when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
