Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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