Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize