dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
