I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
