You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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