So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
