We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
