I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
