It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
