I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
