There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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