k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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