i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
