Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
