A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
