Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
