OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize