the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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