We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
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