I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
