so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
