just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I will die if light touches me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
