Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize