I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We just shotgunned beers for America
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
