It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How does one acquire holy water?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
