Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
