sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
