Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
