ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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