Im at strip club and am horny
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
