Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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