i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
