I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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