I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
