Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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