what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize