You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
