I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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