I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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